Dear embassy
Me, entertaining kids in Maputo, Mozambique. I may look scary, but I’m not.
Dear embassy
I first applied to visit your country last year – paying $150 to help cover your administration costs. I concede, I am no expert on visa applications – I don’t know the ins and outs or how long they take. I also admit that I am indeed single, have been travelling the world since 1988, have had a multitude of jobs and have no assets to speak of … which clearly terrifies you (considering that I still don’t have my visa!)
I have spent time in Belgium, France, Mongolia, Mozambique and Madagascar but have always returned to my home South Africa. Freak, even the Australians once let me in for a few weeks. I have never been convicted of a crime – in my 43 years on this good earth, including my two years in Madagascar – although I have worked on programmes involved in reintegrating young offenders into society (not that that’s really relevant here). I do not plan on going to your country to start a cult; to commit espionage or terrorist acts; to rape, pillage, steal, or drag your women off to be my sex slaves …
Admittedly, I did date two young lasses from your country in the past. But the one is happily married with children (to someone else), and the other is to be married later this year (also to someone who isn’t me). I am not planning this trip to try to win back either …
All I would like to do is visit my other friends who live in your vast country and to help out in a church (it’s what I do). Perhaps I’ll even take a few thousand photos while there (that’s also what I do).
Tomorrow I intend visiting you for the tenth time since October. You initially delayed issuing my visa, then sent me on wild goose chases. Last week I spent $220 on a medical examination for my application; this week I will look into flights back to Madagascar to get a police clearance certificate, which you have asked for … That shouldn’t cost more than another $770 dollars or so.
This whole planned trip to your country is starting to get expensive. Is it too much to ask that I get my visa soon? Like, before I go bankrupt perhaps?
Sincerely,
me
8 Comments on “Dear embassy”
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They called me weed
I have been blogging here since around April 2011 - my little place on the blogosphere to express myself creatively. As a teenager I used to write a diary - in fact, as a 17-year-old living in Belgium, I wrote religiously every day. Fortunately the Internet didn't exist back then because my ramblings as a teenager were ever-so-slightly dark, cynical and depressing. You won't find much of that here. Also, mostly, I try not to get too deep or philosophical in this forum - I'd like my photography to uplift and inspire, and, where I can, I try to bring a bit of humour into my writing too. I've been fortunate enough to travel extensively and have made many friends across the globe. This is my spot to keep in touch with them.
If it means you get to come here first, I think I like this embassy VERY much….sorry to be a bad friend….well, not really sorry, but I’ll try sympathise while it all works out nicely for us
oh stink.
i feel like i should apologize or something…
You are clearly a criminal with dark secrets
Mmmmm, I wonder why I am not too sad about the whole embassy delay. But I am astounded that you need to get a police clearance certificate from Madagascar! Wow. That is going to be an interesting process. When are you getting the ticket – that I can have a heads-up to try fit my meeting schedule to your visit. YEY!
incredible …
I imagine it’s the U.S. embassy that is giving you trouble. I will pray for a quick visa issue for you! P.S. Have you sent them this post as an email? I’m sure they’ll have a good laugh! Tina
Actually… it’s not the US embassy, believe it or not. And from my rather extensive experience with embassy personnel I don’t think a sene of humour is high on their character traits. Just saying.
I wouldn’t want to visit any country that would let me in.