Formerly 'Rambling with a cantankerous old mule"
I first applied to visit your country last year – paying $150 to help cover your administration costs. I concede, I am no expert on visa applications – I don’t know the ins and outs or how long they take. I also admit that I am indeed single, have been travelling the world since 1988, have had a multitude of jobs and have no assets to speak of … which clearly terrifies you (considering that I still don’t have my visa!)
I have spent time in Belgium, France, Mongolia, Mozambique and Madagascar but have always returned to my home South Africa. Freak, even the Australians once let me in for a few weeks. I have never been convicted of a crime – in my 43 years on this good earth, including my two years in Madagascar – although I have worked on programmes involved in reintegrating young offenders into society (not that that’s really relevant here). I do not plan on going to your country to start a cult; to commit espionage or terrorist acts; to rape, pillage, steal, or drag your women off to be my sex slaves …
Admittedly, I did date two young lasses from your country in the past. But the one is happily married with children (to someone else), and the other is to be married later this year (also to someone who isn’t me). I am not planning this trip to try to win back either …
All I would like to do is visit my other friends who live in your vast country and to help out in a church (it’s what I do). Perhaps I’ll even take a few thousand photos while there (that’s also what I do).
Tomorrow I intend visiting you for the tenth time since October. You initially delayed issuing my visa, then sent me on wild goose chases. Last week I spent $220 on a medical examination for my application; this week I will look into flights back to Madagascar to get a police clearance certificate, which you have asked for … That shouldn’t cost more than another $770 dollars or so.
This whole planned trip to your country is starting to get expensive. Is it too much to ask that I get my visa soon? Like, before I go bankrupt perhaps?