Formerly 'Rambling with a cantankerous old mule"
Earlier this month I introduced you to my Facebook friend Cathi, with her life tips.
Her status updates are the bright spots in my otherwise mostly-dull Facebook-day, and I’m planning on featuring her here as often as possibly. (Don’t worry, I won’t reveal any personal details like where she lives, her phone number, or anything like that, but I do think a wider audience should get to enjoy her hilarious take on life …)
For a few weeks I followed her struggles with migraines, cringing (and laughing out loud) at her response to the pain:
Day 6: “I think when you reach day six of a migraine, it should automatically come with a free pass to an IV of morphine … like from a migraine fairy or something.“
Day 12: “Wine and chocolate may not fix what ails you, but if you don’t try you’ll never know.“
Day 19: “Doctor’s orders: follow migraine food-elimination diet. Still getting migraines. Giving in and having a coffee. A venti cappuccino with a triple shot of espresso. Followed up with a glass of red wine and some aged cheese sprinkled with MSG. You may call it giving up. I am going to call it an experiment in reverse migraine psychology.“
Day 20: “Me leaving a message at my doctor’s office for a nurse to call me back: ‘Hi, this is Catherine France (not her real name, of course). Social Security number 555 6253. Wait, I missed two numbers. Shoot. Oh my gosh, I’m drawing a blank! Okay, well my date of birth is 2/3/1971. You can reach me at 602-438, uh, 438 … Are you kidding me?! I’m sorry, I’ll have to call you back. And astonishingly, I am not calling about my memory problem!‘”
Day 24: “Got an Occipital Nerve Block Injection for my migraines yesterday (basically an injection into the nerve through the muscle at the base of the skull). The doctor said it would feel like a mosquito bite and then light pressure. There was only a slight language barrier, but I am pretty sure he meant to say wolf bite/knife stabbing/vampire attack … either that or there are some really scary mosquitoes where he comes from!“
More from day 24: “The best quote I found from one website when I was reading up on possible side effects: ‘While some itching most of us can stand, death is a little more inconvenient’. I won’t know if it is helping or not yet … the pain is actually worse for the first 48 hours. I would never do it again though … I just read online that it only helps for 3 months at a time and then you have to do it again. No thanks.“
That was the last of her migraine-related posts, so I assume the occipital nerve block injection worked. But I suspect her problem with migraines may have something to do with her coffee, um, over-indulgence (as indicated by these profile updates) …
“Woke up in the middle of the night with stomach pains that had me doubled over. They were slightly better in the morning yet the only thing I could think besides ‘Am I going to have to go to the hospital?’ was ‘Damn! No coffee for me this morning!‘”
“Living 5 minutes from work has its advantages and its disadvantages. Advantage: it’s possible to run home at lunch and make a second venti coffee. Disadvantage: it’s possible to run home at lunch and make a second venti coffee.“
“I really miss my coffee. Although we only parted ways just a short hour ago, it saddens me to have to wait until tomorrow morning to be reunited with it again.“