Formerly 'Rambling with a cantankerous old mule"
Anyone who has been reading this blog for a while will know that I am anything but a fan of Facebook. Mostly I just endure it. The majority of status updates irritate or bore me. And then, then there are the humorous statuses that smash into my day just when they are needed most. Like those from Cathi, who was an exchange student to Belgium with me back in the late 1980s. We weren’t close back then, and we still aren’t, but her updates regularly have me laughing out loud, often inappropriately, in my funeral-home-like open plan office. (Yes I, like the majority of other users, have occasionally checked in on Facebook during work…)
It would be a travesty not to share some of them with a wider audience, which is why I’m bringing you Cathi’s Tips today. In her words, “I figure if my contribution to society is that I can help people avoid mistakes I have made, because they’ve learned something from my public humiliation, then that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”
Tip # 1: After unlocking office door with set of keys hanging on lanyard worn around your neck, be sure to remove key from door before walking away from door. This will greatly reduce chances of injury and/or embarrassment. You’re welcome.
Tip # 2: When trying to inconspicuously reply to a text during a work meeting, it is best not to hit the ‘text by voice’ button instead of the ‘reply’ button (inconveniently located right on top of each other)…because not only does it become instantly obvious that you are texting, but now the whole room gets to hear your text read aloud by the computer animated voice on your phone. And that bitch does not know how to whisper!
Tip # 3: You will all be happy to know that I do not have one mosquito bite on either eyeball. That old bug spray in the eyes trick really does work!
Tip # 4: If by the age of 42 you are not a runner, stay ‘not a runner’. Sincerely, Your Torn Hamstring.